Whew finally i remember my password...lol. I'll fix this place up prettttty soon!!
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20.11.10
28.7.10
Too through
This is a story that has been told too many times in my life...Girl moves to a new town, new school, nicest person, gets screwed over. Im tired of it. Im tired of being too nice to ppl and ending up with nothing in the end. I mean its like everytime i THINK ive made a friend in someone, they totally switch. I many have blogged this same thing before but whatever. Its happening again. I just hate it. I hate that im SO damn nice. I hate the fact that I care so much about ppl beyond what they would think. Then i turn around and am too scared to be mean. I tell myself all the time to grow a fucking backbone, but its just not happening. I mean do i have to go through some more fucked up shit to have one? I think then, i would just be bitter and STILL friendless.
Its so easy for ppl to say...dont put ur all in ur boyfriend! You dont know what may happen...blah...blahh...blah" but the thing is...hes been there with me through pretty much every bad friendship since i came to college. He's been my shoulder to lean/cry on through all of this mess. I get so scared that i rely on him too much. But he's not just my boyfriend...hes my bestfriend. I just dont know how some of the meanest ppl are so social and wanted. I mean ppl know me, but throughout these experiences....ive just been friendless.
Take my newer roomate for instance. We were friends since freshman yr of highschool. We roomed together our first year and it was all good. Skip to the summer before senior yr. (this summer) I am her roomate again. First, she's all happy about us being roomates again. Then things get turned around because i decide to go to another school to be more satisfied with my education. She starts acting distant as hell and only talking to me when other ppl are around. I mean at first I was totally unsure about if she was mad or what, but now i KNOW. like she's trying to be mean in a secretive way....backstabbing in a sense. I have never said anything bad about her before. I was even thinking of getting her something because she had been such a nice person to me while ive lived here....but cancel that! I asked her if she was okay and she said yea...so im confused.
I had a roomate before that, and a similar thing happened. Friends then suddenly things go left. Like WTF!? I havent done anything to you. The only other answer is that i am just too nice and ppl see that weakness in me and take advantage. I just hate being mean to ppl and making someone unhappy. but at the same time im done with letting ppl do me that way. I mean damn. can a sista catch a break!? lol
I just dont want to be one of those girls who puts everything into one person. I wanna share my personality, knowledge, and love with everyone. I want to be the one person that will actually keep ur damn secrets instead of spreading them (like whats been done to me SO many times). Things cant possibly give me the results I want if I become the same as everyone else......
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Its so easy for ppl to say...dont put ur all in ur boyfriend! You dont know what may happen...blah...blahh...blah" but the thing is...hes been there with me through pretty much every bad friendship since i came to college. He's been my shoulder to lean/cry on through all of this mess. I get so scared that i rely on him too much. But he's not just my boyfriend...hes my bestfriend. I just dont know how some of the meanest ppl are so social and wanted. I mean ppl know me, but throughout these experiences....ive just been friendless.
Take my newer roomate for instance. We were friends since freshman yr of highschool. We roomed together our first year and it was all good. Skip to the summer before senior yr. (this summer) I am her roomate again. First, she's all happy about us being roomates again. Then things get turned around because i decide to go to another school to be more satisfied with my education. She starts acting distant as hell and only talking to me when other ppl are around. I mean at first I was totally unsure about if she was mad or what, but now i KNOW. like she's trying to be mean in a secretive way....backstabbing in a sense. I have never said anything bad about her before. I was even thinking of getting her something because she had been such a nice person to me while ive lived here....but cancel that! I asked her if she was okay and she said yea...so im confused.
I had a roomate before that, and a similar thing happened. Friends then suddenly things go left. Like WTF!? I havent done anything to you. The only other answer is that i am just too nice and ppl see that weakness in me and take advantage. I just hate being mean to ppl and making someone unhappy. but at the same time im done with letting ppl do me that way. I mean damn. can a sista catch a break!? lol
I just dont want to be one of those girls who puts everything into one person. I wanna share my personality, knowledge, and love with everyone. I want to be the one person that will actually keep ur damn secrets instead of spreading them (like whats been done to me SO many times). Things cant possibly give me the results I want if I become the same as everyone else......
16.7.10
Burning Questions
So, im the type of girl that ALWAYS has weird random ass questions. Today I was intrigued while listening to the radio and someone brought up the term hedonism. Immediately i was like WTH does THAT mean?? So, i googled it. (I google everything, by the way) and to my surprise, i got the "clean" version of my answer. Well im guessing that the answer to my question could be clean OR dirty. but whatever. So i come to realize that the term hedonism is like an ethical principle. Kinda like Janet Jacksons Pleasure Principle lol. I guess it basically says that life should be lived based on what you believe feels good or not so good. What pleasures you, and what doesnt. However, my next questions still stand.
1.) Is hedonism purely sexual?
2.) How on earth could Christian hedonism be justified?
3.) Why dont nymphos and young hormonal college students spring break at these resorts?? (lol seriously!)
When i looked up the resorts, i only found ones that are in jamaica. The staff is totally unsuspecting and some are surprisingly VERY young ppl. The place is 18 and up too. Crazy right?
I mean once im curious about something, i gotta let it out somewhere lol. This was a question that none of my friends know the answer to and i would be CRAZY to ask my family about this!! but i just really wanna know what the hell happens at these places that they meet?? and how do people decide to get married at these resorts? Im just still totally lost. lol.
but im done. i guess.
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1.) Is hedonism purely sexual?
2.) How on earth could Christian hedonism be justified?
3.) Why dont nymphos and young hormonal college students spring break at these resorts?? (lol seriously!)
When i looked up the resorts, i only found ones that are in jamaica. The staff is totally unsuspecting and some are surprisingly VERY young ppl. The place is 18 and up too. Crazy right?
I mean once im curious about something, i gotta let it out somewhere lol. This was a question that none of my friends know the answer to and i would be CRAZY to ask my family about this!! but i just really wanna know what the hell happens at these places that they meet?? and how do people decide to get married at these resorts? Im just still totally lost. lol.
but im done. i guess.
16.6.10
Dont Make it like they used to
Seriously, ppl dont make music like they used to. I used to LOVE singing my lungs out with my mom listening to oldies. Its sad because im not so sure good music will be around for me to share with my kids someday. The stuff we have now is unbelievably.....simple. I dont get that "feelin" i used to get when i would hear a song that would, i guess you could say, hit the spot lol. I used to have such a love for music, as if it were another being! I mean dont get me wrong, i STILL love music but i just cant listen to the radio for more than 20 minutes...unless we're talking 90's or older lol. Seems like once we hit 2000's there was an explosion of pop music and then it all....fizzled down to water lol. All this stuff is so watered down nowadays. Im not against EVERYTHING but it just doesnt compare to lets say what Anita Baker....the old Maxwell.....even Stevie Wonder could bring to the table.....Maybe im just an old soul in some aspects...idk
. OMG i would give ANYTHING to see Luther Vandross in concert....my goodness....now Trey Songs aint got NOTHING on him lol. He can make the draws drop lmao. j/k. thats kinda sick but yall know what i mean! I just miss the passion that artists used to put into music that really would put me in a place that i cant even explain. I miss when artists could just take their time with music. Not force it. .....
When i was younger..i would sit and listen to music, close my eyes, and let my imagination flow. It wasnt anything sexual but it was pure paradise for me....a stress reliever. I loved listening for every part of what was in the background, every instrument, every part of the artists voice. I fell in love so many times back then lol. Sadly, i have NO oldies on my computer. Too broke to buy CD's n my mom has alllllllll the classics in storage somewhere. But hey, it feels good even to just reminisce on it.......
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. OMG i would give ANYTHING to see Luther Vandross in concert....my goodness....now Trey Songs aint got NOTHING on him lol. He can make the draws drop lmao. j/k. thats kinda sick but yall know what i mean! I just miss the passion that artists used to put into music that really would put me in a place that i cant even explain. I miss when artists could just take their time with music. Not force it. .....
When i was younger..i would sit and listen to music, close my eyes, and let my imagination flow. It wasnt anything sexual but it was pure paradise for me....a stress reliever. I loved listening for every part of what was in the background, every instrument, every part of the artists voice. I fell in love so many times back then lol. Sadly, i have NO oldies on my computer. Too broke to buy CD's n my mom has alllllllll the classics in storage somewhere. But hey, it feels good even to just reminisce on it.......
31.5.10
My Guy :)
So im not sure if ive ever blogged about my love . Maybe i have and just forgot but anywho he deserves a WHOLE blog post lol. (p.s. dont read if youre not a "mushy" type person lol it WILL annoy you)
The Beginning
So lets start from the beginning. We met my first year of college outside of the library (lol). I was sitting outside alone and bored (story of my life!!) and just enjoying the weather. I had seen him around campus before but NEVER thought he would ever say anything to me. He was like the Sexy guy on campus that too many girls knew for my liking. Ive never really been a sucker for guys like that cause i figured getting to know that type would only result in heartbreak. But boy was i ever wrong about this one. He walked up to me on this sunny afternoon and extended his hand and said "Hey im Sonny, and I think youre really cute." lol i know it sounds so middle school'ish but i thought it was so cute and coincidental how the sun beamed above his head as i looked up and shook his hand. I told him he was cute too and we exchanged numbers (damn, im REALLY not that easy....but i guess it was meant) We met up the next day and had a date at the library lol cause neither of us had a car to go on a real date and i thought it was kinda cute. I remember we sat and talked there for hours getting to know each other and I was SOOOOO nervous! I loved how sweet and open he was and so eager to get to know me. But i must say i just HATED how he was such a ladys man...ohhh i hated it!!! because of this i kept my guard up and made him wait just to even kiss me! lol. However, I guess i just knew how to break him down and really get to know him beyond what most people would want to. Anyone at the time could take one look and tell there was a HUGE ego goin on there....but we figured a way to peel back all that attitude and he allowed me to see him for who he really was. Time went on and we hung out EVERYDAY until school was out for summer and we both had to head home. I thought we wouldnt last via telephone for the ENTIRE summer, plus i wasnt even sure if we were ever gonna be official! but yet again i was so wrong. We stayed glued to the phone everyday and night talking and laughing and falling asleep on the phone. SN: I remember how my mom would get SOOOO mad cause of this and say "you betta stop sleepin with that phone pressed against ya ear, thats how u get brain cancer"
Two Years and 3 Months Later....
Here I am dating the same guy. Now even in love with my best friend. He's the one person that truly knows me inside and out and has what it takes to get inside my head and know whats going on. Its scary sometimes when I think he has no clue how I feel and next thing i know my very thoughts are coming out of his mouth! He's been by my side through SO much! and there is ALOT included in that "SO". Although we dont get to see each other but every other week because we are 3hrs away, I am still loving him and he's still loving me just the same. He is the epitome of "The Right Man" Not only because of all the little things he does for me, but because he knows the true meaning of listening to me when I just need/want to talk or ramble on about little things. Not many ppl know how to stand that surprisingly lol. I love him for changing my heart into something less cold and more open to the gift of love that God has blessed us with. I love the fact that because of our relationship I know real love is REAL. No, its not a fairytale OR a nightmare but its real. Its happiness beyond words, its compromise, its pain, its trust, its even an addiction to one another. We arent perfect but we certainly arent dysfunctional!! I know he has my best interest at heart and I, the same for him. I know im not the easiest person to understand or talk to at times, but he's still sticking around. He's helped me so much with everything from having not the best self image to helping me when im broke/hungry in this crappy town and hes away. There's no doubt that he truly cares for me and knows how to spoil a lady! Im not sure if anyone knows how much it hurts to have the one person you love(outside of family of course) leave for even a week and youre basically all alone....but everyday I wait for my 3'o clock phone call and the usual convo about work etc...etc...n im better. I pray that we continue to love each other and grow more and more everyday. I love the way he loves me for me which is one of the best feelings ive ever known :)
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The Beginning
So lets start from the beginning. We met my first year of college outside of the library (lol). I was sitting outside alone and bored (story of my life!!) and just enjoying the weather. I had seen him around campus before but NEVER thought he would ever say anything to me. He was like the Sexy guy on campus that too many girls knew for my liking. Ive never really been a sucker for guys like that cause i figured getting to know that type would only result in heartbreak. But boy was i ever wrong about this one. He walked up to me on this sunny afternoon and extended his hand and said "Hey im Sonny, and I think youre really cute." lol i know it sounds so middle school'ish but i thought it was so cute and coincidental how the sun beamed above his head as i looked up and shook his hand. I told him he was cute too and we exchanged numbers (damn, im REALLY not that easy....but i guess it was meant) We met up the next day and had a date at the library lol cause neither of us had a car to go on a real date and i thought it was kinda cute. I remember we sat and talked there for hours getting to know each other and I was SOOOOO nervous! I loved how sweet and open he was and so eager to get to know me. But i must say i just HATED how he was such a ladys man...ohhh i hated it!!! because of this i kept my guard up and made him wait just to even kiss me! lol. However, I guess i just knew how to break him down and really get to know him beyond what most people would want to. Anyone at the time could take one look and tell there was a HUGE ego goin on there....but we figured a way to peel back all that attitude and he allowed me to see him for who he really was. Time went on and we hung out EVERYDAY until school was out for summer and we both had to head home. I thought we wouldnt last via telephone for the ENTIRE summer, plus i wasnt even sure if we were ever gonna be official! but yet again i was so wrong. We stayed glued to the phone everyday and night talking and laughing and falling asleep on the phone. SN: I remember how my mom would get SOOOO mad cause of this and say "you betta stop sleepin with that phone pressed against ya ear, thats how u get brain cancer"
Two Years and 3 Months Later....
Here I am dating the same guy. Now even in love with my best friend. He's the one person that truly knows me inside and out and has what it takes to get inside my head and know whats going on. Its scary sometimes when I think he has no clue how I feel and next thing i know my very thoughts are coming out of his mouth! He's been by my side through SO much! and there is ALOT included in that "SO". Although we dont get to see each other but every other week because we are 3hrs away, I am still loving him and he's still loving me just the same. He is the epitome of "The Right Man" Not only because of all the little things he does for me, but because he knows the true meaning of listening to me when I just need/want to talk or ramble on about little things. Not many ppl know how to stand that surprisingly lol. I love him for changing my heart into something less cold and more open to the gift of love that God has blessed us with. I love the fact that because of our relationship I know real love is REAL. No, its not a fairytale OR a nightmare but its real. Its happiness beyond words, its compromise, its pain, its trust, its even an addiction to one another. We arent perfect but we certainly arent dysfunctional!! I know he has my best interest at heart and I, the same for him. I know im not the easiest person to understand or talk to at times, but he's still sticking around. He's helped me so much with everything from having not the best self image to helping me when im broke/hungry in this crappy town and hes away. There's no doubt that he truly cares for me and knows how to spoil a lady! Im not sure if anyone knows how much it hurts to have the one person you love(outside of family of course) leave for even a week and youre basically all alone....but everyday I wait for my 3'o clock phone call and the usual convo about work etc...etc...n im better. I pray that we continue to love each other and grow more and more everyday. I love the way he loves me for me which is one of the best feelings ive ever known :)30.5.10
hmmmm deciding how i should revamp this blog a bit.....i dont know of anyplaces to get layouts tho :-/
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24.5.10
Story of my life ( im rambling)
sometimes i ask myself "why am i so unhappy?" when i already know the answer....too scared of stepping out and running the risk of starting over....
part of my unhappiness comes from this shitty situation i put myself in....honestly i think ive been alienating myself since i got here because these ppl are just not on my level....im not trying to be conceited or anything like that but as far as mindset...too much immaturity going on. See i think ppl should take a friendship just as seriously as any relationship...and everyone around here seems to treat it so immaturely. Maybe im the fool to assume....but really i cant say that ive proved myself wrong thus far. Just about everyone here that ive called friend at some point or another has let me down...wayyyy down. At first, i thought it was me but now i know...ppl are just NOT on my level. they dont see how important a friendship is...its so frustrating!!! I just want that one person that i KNOW has my back no matter what and isnt trying to stab me in the back and has my best interest at heart. FOR ONCE can i find a friend with the same values as me? Not trying to get at my man (lol) or imitate me....or put my "business out there" when it should be kept between friends.....Im so unhappy cause I have yet to find a group of ppl that are really in my corner. I mean I consider myself a loyal friend...drama free...and laid back. Who wouldnt want a person like that around? I refuse to become another girl all about the drama and the gossip and betrayal. I really really refuse!!! Maybe somewhere in my childhood i missed something about being social with others...and determining right off the bat the real from the fake...cause ive been through too much with so called "friends." How many ppl can say they found a successful relationship before they found a successful friendship? lol usually its the other way around!!! but hey it is what it is...im just ramblin cause i cant sleep...woulda been a VLOG but i look a hot southern mess right now!!
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part of my unhappiness comes from this shitty situation i put myself in....honestly i think ive been alienating myself since i got here because these ppl are just not on my level....im not trying to be conceited or anything like that but as far as mindset...too much immaturity going on. See i think ppl should take a friendship just as seriously as any relationship...and everyone around here seems to treat it so immaturely. Maybe im the fool to assume....but really i cant say that ive proved myself wrong thus far. Just about everyone here that ive called friend at some point or another has let me down...wayyyy down. At first, i thought it was me but now i know...ppl are just NOT on my level. they dont see how important a friendship is...its so frustrating!!! I just want that one person that i KNOW has my back no matter what and isnt trying to stab me in the back and has my best interest at heart. FOR ONCE can i find a friend with the same values as me? Not trying to get at my man (lol) or imitate me....or put my "business out there" when it should be kept between friends.....Im so unhappy cause I have yet to find a group of ppl that are really in my corner. I mean I consider myself a loyal friend...drama free...and laid back. Who wouldnt want a person like that around? I refuse to become another girl all about the drama and the gossip and betrayal. I really really refuse!!! Maybe somewhere in my childhood i missed something about being social with others...and determining right off the bat the real from the fake...cause ive been through too much with so called "friends." How many ppl can say they found a successful relationship before they found a successful friendship? lol usually its the other way around!!! but hey it is what it is...im just ramblin cause i cant sleep...woulda been a VLOG but i look a hot southern mess right now!!
4.5.10
30.4.10
18.4.10
Au Natural vs All Made Up
So today im having what I call a "Pamper Me" day and im really enjoying it! I woke up late (which doesnt happen but MAYBE once a week for me), took a nice long shower, washed my hair (using Black Soap!!) and now in the process of doing my hair.
features you were born with lol. So here are a couple pics of the made up me and the natural me....do you think theres a big difference???
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In between all these things I was doing today I was thinking about the fact that I dont really take much time to admire the REAL me....not the MsRitaJanay that many ppl know (online and real life) but Sharita! I mean its not a big difference just physical appearance thats so different. Many ppl that I know have NEVER seen me without makeup. I wear atleast eyeliner everyday....which is a makes a big difference when it comes to my features. I dont prefer to go out without having something on my face...i just feel plain lol. So i said since im having a Me day then why not look at the
features you were born with lol. So here are a couple pics of the made up me and the natural me....do you think theres a big difference???
11.4.10
Im BAAAACK!!!
Yall I was sitting here reading absolutebrook.com. I love her blog by the way. and then it dawned on me.....WHY THE HELL DID I STOP BLOGGING????? well thankfully ive SNAPPED back into reality and i feel more ready than ever to put my thoughts and somewhat secrets back into this thing. So let me dust it off, polish it, and charge it back onnnn up babyyyy hahaha
Update:
Well I cant really feel you in on EVERYTHING thats been going on cause its pretty private BUT i will tell you the general stuff. Still in school trying to keep my scholarship (Im at a 3.06) hopefull and prayerfully i wont fall below a 3.00 or im dead!!! oh and im thinking about getting a Moped...wanted a car but realized thats toooooo much to try to do while im in the process of moving and figuring out this rent thing for the first time! Im moving off campus and into a HOUSE!!! Yall i cant wait to do videos from my new place...im SO excited!! Ive had some roommate issues and im ready to move on out lol This on campus thing was only meant for a season and that season is now over. As far as Youtube videos......I STILL need a digital camera lol. But i guess i will continue to use my laptops cam for now. My dream of makeup artistry has been doing great but its recently come to a halt because the agency that I was working with is taking a break.....CEO got impregnated lol. So im doing small gigs like prom and a wedding this summer. Im gonna look for more gigs as soon as this semester comes to an end. Oh and lastly, i deleted my twitter...i MIGHT make another one idk. but if i do I will make an official video lol.
All in all im alive and loving life...well most of it. Im thankful and ready for my next step in life!! and you guys better know that this blog WILL be apart of it :)
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Update:
Well I cant really feel you in on EVERYTHING thats been going on cause its pretty private BUT i will tell you the general stuff. Still in school trying to keep my scholarship (Im at a 3.06) hopefull and prayerfully i wont fall below a 3.00 or im dead!!! oh and im thinking about getting a Moped...wanted a car but realized thats toooooo much to try to do while im in the process of moving and figuring out this rent thing for the first time! Im moving off campus and into a HOUSE!!! Yall i cant wait to do videos from my new place...im SO excited!! Ive had some roommate issues and im ready to move on out lol This on campus thing was only meant for a season and that season is now over. As far as Youtube videos......I STILL need a digital camera lol. But i guess i will continue to use my laptops cam for now. My dream of makeup artistry has been doing great but its recently come to a halt because the agency that I was working with is taking a break.....CEO got impregnated lol. So im doing small gigs like prom and a wedding this summer. Im gonna look for more gigs as soon as this semester comes to an end. Oh and lastly, i deleted my twitter...i MIGHT make another one idk. but if i do I will make an official video lol.
All in all im alive and loving life...well most of it. Im thankful and ready for my next step in life!! and you guys better know that this blog WILL be apart of it :)
27.1.10
formspring.me
Keep me entertained and ask me stuff! http://formspring.me/MsRitaJanay
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26.1.10
Make the Goal and SCORE!! lol
lmao wow @ that title...idk
okay so i havent blogged since 12/16/2009 and i need to pick it back up. I always have so much to say but no one to say it to (or atleast no one in person).
anyway, the thing i want to talk about most is Goals and planning them. Its so easy for people to tell you "oh you go girl. you can do it!" but its SOOO hard to actually DO it. Yea, some people say "Aint nothin to it but to do it...." but yet again...its ALOT to it lol. In case youre a little confused, im talking about those long term (maybe even short term) goals that you may have been planning. Its so easy to always sit back, relax, and watch what happens (lol if you watch Bravo) when you really need to be doing your thing. Ive been thinking a lot lately about my goals and if im not mistaken, my last post was about wanting to start my own business....however, i havent because i have not planned properly!!! This is something that i want who ever reading this to really get a grip on: Planning your goals first!! its okay to dream big and have that vision. but you really gotta bite the bullet and PLAN everything out...little or small...it needs to be planned. So many things can come along and throw you off course but make it easy for yourself and write out your plan so you know where you left off!!!
I hoped this has help someone thats dealing with trying to reach their goals as well....it was just on my mind and i HAD to share lol. oh yea...theres this link you might be interested in too 50 Habits of Highly successful people
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okay so i havent blogged since 12/16/2009 and i need to pick it back up. I always have so much to say but no one to say it to (or atleast no one in person).
anyway, the thing i want to talk about most is Goals and planning them. Its so easy for people to tell you "oh you go girl. you can do it!" but its SOOO hard to actually DO it. Yea, some people say "Aint nothin to it but to do it...." but yet again...its ALOT to it lol. In case youre a little confused, im talking about those long term (maybe even short term) goals that you may have been planning. Its so easy to always sit back, relax, and watch what happens (lol if you watch Bravo) when you really need to be doing your thing. Ive been thinking a lot lately about my goals and if im not mistaken, my last post was about wanting to start my own business....however, i havent because i have not planned properly!!! This is something that i want who ever reading this to really get a grip on: Planning your goals first!! its okay to dream big and have that vision. but you really gotta bite the bullet and PLAN everything out...little or small...it needs to be planned. So many things can come along and throw you off course but make it easy for yourself and write out your plan so you know where you left off!!!
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